Should’ve Been

As always in my life, a month has made things completely different.  I am no longer seeing the guy I was most recently with, and who I wrote about for the three months I was back home.  This poem is about the process in deciding to end that relationship, which was terribly difficult.  I had fallen in love with him, and a part of me will always love him, no matter what.  However, it was no longer possible to be with him- we were picking at each other, which would have led to fighting, and when we weren’t doing that, we weren’t speaking.  I miss what I had with him originally, as I truly feel like he cared, and I would like to think he still does, as I still care about him, but I have no idea what he thinks.

The time for us had passed
It was time to move on
But I found myself stuck
Unable to let you go
Even though it needed to be done

You never realized I had fallen in love
Or maybe you knew all along
Hence why you left when you did.
I would like to think you had no idea
Oblivious to what was in front of you
But somehow, I find that impossible

Saying I was leaving was the easy part
Doing it was a hundred times harder
I found I couldn’t form the words
Wasn’t willing to utter them
But I needed to, before I lost everything
And I still remember it.

I don’t regret what I decided
Leaving you should have happened sooner
But when push came to shove
It was next to impossible.
I felt my heart break right then
Thinking of what could have been, should have been
But never was and never will be.

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