Should’ve Been

As always in my life, a month has made things completely different.  I am no longer seeing the guy I was most recently with, and who I wrote about for the three months I was back home.  This poem is about the process in deciding to end that relationship, which was terribly difficult.  I had fallen in love with him, and a part of me will always love him, no matter what.  However, it was no longer possible to be with him– we were picking at each other, which would have led to fighting, and when we weren’t doing that, we weren’t speaking.  I miss what I had with him originally, as I truly feel like he cared, and I would like to think he still does, as I still care about him, but I have no idea what he thinks.

The time for us had passed
It was time to move on
But I found myself stuck
Unable to let you go
Even though it needed to be done

You never realized I had fallen in love
Or maybe you knew all along
Hence why you left when you did.
I would like to think you had no idea
Oblivious to what was in front of you
But somehow, I find that impossible

Saying I was leaving was the easy part
Doing it was a hundred times harder
I found I couldn’t form the words
Wasn’t willing to utter them
But I needed to, before I lost everything
And I still remember it.

I don’t regret what I decided
Leaving you should have happened sooner
But when push came to shove
It was next to impossible.
I felt my heart break right then
Thinking of what could have been, should have been
But never was and never will be.

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