NaPoWriMo: Day 1- Negation

It’s April Fools Day, but it’s not a joke that NaPoWriMo is back!  Each year, I get more and more excited to have a month long challenge of writing poetry.  I would like to think that after three years, I am somewhat decent now, but I’ll let you folks be the judge.

Today , we were challenged to write a poem of negation, meaning every line and what not is about what something isn’t, not what it is.  As easy as it sounds, it was a bit of a challenge to write about something in the negative form, as we are trained to write in the positive.  Regardless, here’s my attempt at this prompt.  Can you guess what it’s about?  (The answer is below the poem, but no cheating!)

It does not walk on two feet, nor does it slither on the ground
It doesn’t have a heartbeat, just the clanging of gears
There is no breath except the blackish smoke
There are no eyes, no ears, no mouth
It doesn’t need an asphalt road to move
It doesn’t glide around silently
There is no stopping short
There is no way to change course except an accident
It doesn’t run on gas or food or wind power
It doesn’t have anything human, except it’s creators.

ANSWER:  A train

St. Patrick’s Day

I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday yesterday, but I am not actually writing about that.  I met my ex an began hanging out with him this time last year, and St. Patrick’s Day was when I realized I actually really liked the kid.  Remembering how good it used to be with him still stings since it ended OK, then suddenly went down hill, but I’m happier now, no matter how this poem comes across.

About a year ago, we finally met
And you took me out dancing.
About a year ago, you tried to win me
You eventually did.
A year ago, you held my hand
Tried to kiss me good night.
A year ago, we were together
I was convinced of something false.

I don’t know where it all went wrong
Not sure I want to know either.
But I can see that drunken smile
The lights spinning around overhead.
Your warm hand on my thigh
As we drove around town.
The look in your eye when you didn’t know I was watching.
Where did it all go wrong?
Why do you make me hate you now?

Butterflies

I know I have similar poems floating around this blog, but it is a topic I always go back to and rehash, no matter how much time has passed. This is about the guy I dated last year who broke my heart, but also introduced me to the current boyfriend (who means the world to me).  I ran into this guy at the store today, and I thought about everything between us for the remainder of my drive home.  I think this topic will finally disappear once I have figured out why I still get so antsy around him, but until then, there’ll probably be many more poems.

It’s been a year now,
So why do I still get nervous
Each time I see you?
It didn’t end poorly
It didn’t end in a fight
It just ceased to exist
And we walked different ways.

But each time I see you
The butterflies start up
Dancing around and around,
Setting my nerves on edge.
Do I think you’ll say something?
Afraid you’ll be unfriendly?

Or is it simply because
I dared to care
And you still matter?

Too Close

Last night, I found out a dear friend of mine nearly died in a climbing accident over the weekend.  This kid was a guiding light for me last year when I was going through some really tough times, and he always brightens my day when I see him.  As far as I know, he is doing well, but I am obviously shaken pretty badly.  Hopefully, I’ll get to see him either in the hospital or when he gets home!

A cold panic sets in
I think my heart might stop.
The picture of you before my eyes
The brace around your neck
The hospital sheets up to your elbows
I can barely tell it’s you.
How did I not know until now?

I want to grab my keys
Drive down and be by your side.
You were always there for me
Now I need to be there for you.
Except I can’t be
I don’t know where you are
Or if they’ll let me see you.

Quiet anger fills my veins
That life can be so fast moving.
How can death nearly snatch you
Dragging you away so soon?
Thank God it didn’t succeed
Otherwise I’d be in black
Seeing my dear friend one final time

Stitches

I can’t even explain this piece right now.  It’s far too fresh and actually scares me to see these words on a page.  All I can say right now is I once had a friend who abused me before trying to kill me, and I have recently come into contact with someone who reminds me a lot of her.  I’m starting to have flash backs to that time, and I’m terrified it’s going to rip the one I love away from me.

The tearstains tug at the skin on my face
My body shakes violently with cold.
Thoughts buzz around in my head
Yet nothing sticks for very long
The food turns to ash within my mouth
I can’t taste it nor do I care
My phone can’t hang itself up
Not that I want the dead air to stop
I have to pretend everything’s OK
Whenever my phone buzzes
But deep down my heart is bleeding
I’m terrified this is the sign of something more.

I fucking hate her so much
The one from my past that controls my present
As well as the one who is currently here
Reminding me so much of near death.
I can feel them ripping at the stitches
The ones I’ve sown for years to stop the pain
But mostly I’m afraid of them pulling you away
And I feel completely helpless to stop it.

Sam Smith Inspiration

I always feel bad writing pieces about my exes, considering I’m in a extremely happy relationship (5 months now!)  But sometimes, I just think of these poems and need to get them out.  I wrote this one while listening to Grammy winner Sam Smith’s song “I’m not the only one.”  This song always breaks my heart as I listen to it, and especially knowing I was in a relationship similar to what the music speaks about, I needed to get this out.  I tried not to use any of his lines, but some are definitely influenced by his lyrics.

You stay so distant
Closing me out all the time
Calling me crazy when I ask what’s wrong
But wanting me near
Wanting me back each time
You let the distance grow, making me fear the worst
Then you close it suddenly, welcoming me
You think I’m stupid
That I don’t know this game you pay
Some day, it’ll catch up
And then I’ll be gone

Walk On By

There are just some people that no matter how much time goes by, you still get angry when you see them.  This is the case with my ex, who I saw for the first time in  few months.  I think the sight of him angers me so much because of what has come out concerning our relationship over the past bit, or it’s the arrogance in his step, or the pretentious look he always has.  Either way, I always have to resist the urge to get up and punch him (I am not normally a violent person when angry), but I refuse to waste any more of my time on him.

I knew it was you a mile away
Didn’t actually need to confirm that
Of all the people to walk by
It had to be you after all this time

I can’t tell if you saw me or not
But I chose to look away
Didn’t want you to have a moment of my day
All I wanted to do, though, was stare you down

Walk on by, it won’t be fast enough
The clicking of those cowboy boots
Followed by the motor of your bike
I can still hear it now
Even though I just want it all gone