Well, I just had a major inspiration “moment,” if you will. I finished reading the Divergent series on Monday (I cried a lot, just so we’re clear) and that book had so many quotes in it that I need to use or quotes that might trigger some writing material. If you’re interested in my review about the final book, Allegiant, here it is. There are spoilers in said review, but I also included the two paragraphs that stuck with me the most. We’ll see what happens next.
Apparently, writing before midnight is suddenly a thing I do again. I’m still not sure how I feel about this newfound need to write, considering it means the world around me is falling apart…
This poem has a LOT behind it. Tomorrow, I am leaving what I thought was my dream job. Just when I thought I was on solid ground, when I thought I knew what I was doing for the next few years, I’m ripping it out from under my feet. It’s been a long time coming at this point, but still, it’s a shock to me. Additionally, I am feeling like my relationship is on rocky ground again. And for the first time, I can’t see the future ahead in it. I can’t even begin to explain how much that just hurt to write. I seriously burst into tears, my chest hurts, and I want to throw up. But, it’s true. It hasn’t seemed right in a while and I don’t know why. And lastly, I’m even wondering if I’m in the right place anymore. I feel trapped all the time here. I need to escape. But I don’t know where to is the problem. And even if I did, I’m not sure where I want to disappear to. I know there are a million other things as well, but these three factored into this poem. That uncertainty is the black.
I can’t tell if it scares me or not.
I feel the ground shift under my feet
It’s been doing this for a long time now
But I can no longer ignore it.
The earth splits beneath my feet
My left foot on one piece, my right on the other
But I stand frozen.
The crack gets bigger
Threatening to swallow me
But I simply stare, watching the black below emerge.
I can’t go either way
I’m not sure which direction is right
But I can’t stay where I am for long.
The crack gets wider and wider
The ground trembles more violently
So finally, I jump, straight into the black.
This guy might have taken a while to find the right words, it might be written just before midnight, it might take some of you by surprise that I am actually posting something I wrote, but here it is. To be 100% honest (aren’t I always, though?), I am terrified of this poem. I actually have a lot of things I will be writing that I am scared of sharing with the outside world. These are things I’m afraid to admit to myself.
Yes, this was written around midnight. Yes, I am a little cold, despite currently sitting in Phoenix, AZ. No, I am not writing about the fan overhead. I am writing about distance and memories. I have recently had some of my darker past resurface. Meaning, the things I have tried desperately to forget about are resurfacing and I am trying to confront them. At the same time, I am fearing an insurmountable distance forming between someone I value highly in my life. I think both things are related, but I don’t know how, or why, or how to overcome either of them. Instead, I feel like the ghosts are finally coming to get me… and it’s not a very good feeling.
It feels like there are ghosts in the walls
Reaching their hands out from the plaster.
My skin is pricking constantly
But it never settles back down.
I’d say this place is haunted
Except everywhere I go is seems to be now.
I can’t tell what is colder
My heart or the air around me.
Bitter cold envelopes everything
I think I see icicles forming around the windows.
My breath comes out in puffs of white
Mirroring the figures in the walls.
I feel them closing in on
There’s a chance I will lose my mind
But is it really mine anyway?
Just make it quick, I beg of them
Silence greets my ears in mocking tones.
Darkness embraces me at last
But the cold is still in my bones.
Alright, I know I promised to be better about writing poetry and quickly failed at that. In my defense, I started a second job working weddings this summer, graduated from college, got a promotion from my main job, have been trying to volunteer, took on a project horse in a different town, and started a new blog!
I am beyond excited about the possibilities with The Bookworm Queen. Reading and writing have been huge factors in my life, yet both have fallen by the wayside recently with everything else going on. I’m hoping this new blog will help me get the creativity flowing again so I can begin writing more, which in turn will lead to more poetry and posts here.
If you’re interested in the journey, please check the new blog out and give me a follow!
I am fully aware I missed a few days over the weekend, but in my defense, I was racing cars in the rain and closing a ski resort in the snow.
Today, I got to go back to my NH roots for a poem. We were asked to use the “sounds of home.” I instantly thought about the words I use in CO where I now that live that always need to be explained. I also thought about the silly things people say about NH. Although I’ve lost a lot of my accent, I can still return to it rather quickly when asked, and I am proud to be from New England.
There was a wicked nor’easter brewing
One that sidelined tractor trailors.
The snow came down in giant white tufts
Blanketing the ground like Fluff in a fluffernutter.
There are creatures under the sea
We call them lobstahs.
We also have jimmies and rainbow sprinkles
No, they are not the same thing.
Way up north, or so we like to think
Are people who say “ay.” A lot.
But they are not us
Although we both love maple syrup and our moose.
We love our Sox, we cheer for the Pats
We still Live Free or Die
But don’t you ask me to “Pahk the cah in havahd yahd”
Unless you expect me to punch you!
Honestly, who doesn’t like fortune cookies? OK, maybe you don’t if you’re gluten- intolerant or you don’t enjoy cookies, but, you probably enjoy the fortune inside. Regardless of how silly it may be, you look forward to learning a Chinese word you’ll quickly forget, checking out your lucky numbers, and seeing what life philosophy you can learn from a baked good. Today, we did just that for NaPoWriMo.
I looked up fortune cookie fortunes online since I didn’t have any handy (sadness). The first and last lines are the fortune I decided on, and the middle is more of a motivational thing for me. I am currently at the end of my lease with no where to live. I just found out my company will not be taking me on full time, so I have no career at the moment in the industry I’m dying to be in. I am graduating from college and becoming an adult. Everything is suddenly changing and/ or ending, and I need to remember I create my destiny and I can and will overcome all of this. I hope you will too, regardless of what you’re facing.
Today it’s up to you to create the peacefulness you long for.
Stop arguing, stop bickering, stop fighting
Stop telling each other how to live life
Bossing someone around does nothing.
Stop holding yourself back, saying you can’t
Because you absolutely can.You create you destiny
Not me, not her, not him, not them.
You create the place you live
The mindset you have
The beliefs you feel.
So stop with the excuses
Do what you need to do.
Today it’s up to you to create the peacefulness you long for.
Well here’s an interesting one for you! Today, we were to write “index” poem, meaning you found an index int he back of a book and used it to write a poem. I chose to use The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michal Pollan. I’m currently reading this book for my final undergraduate paper, and it’s quite interesting. It’s about the American food system, and so it has a rather interesting index. As you can see, I chose one small part of sand index, specifically animal rights. This is certainly an interesting concept, and maybe if I flushed it out more, it would seem more interesting, but this is what I have so far:
and animal happiness, 319-25, 328
and animal suffering, 308, 310, 312-13, 315-19, 328
arguments with, 309-13
ignorance of nature in, 305, 309
increasing activism in, 305, 309
and individual vs. species, 323-25
and laboratory testing, 312
and marginal cases, 308, 311-12
and predation, 321-23
speciesist viewpoint, 308-9
and vegetarianism, 305, 313-15, 319, 325-27.