Inanimate

This might be a first- a posted poem where I am truly hurting due to heartbreak.  I don’t really want to discuss what happened, but I’m sure you can guess or make assumptions.  I’d much rather explain the process.  I’m personally sick of the poems just talking about feelings, so I decided to try and attach inanimate objects to what I was feeling.  It definitely turned out interesting, but I’m not so sure it 1) worked or 2) makes sense or 3) captures exactly what I wanted to.  Oh well, you have to try to  find out, right?

Your words cut through me
Keys slicing packing tape
My heart bleeds dry
A crumbled piece of paper

How can you do this to me?
A disassembled Lego set
Turn me inside out?
Dust clouding puffing in the air

I want to be with you
Plain Greek yogurt
But you can’t be
Paper shredder blades

Empty is what my heart is
Deflated balloon on the mailbox
And I can’t repair it
A shattered mirror on the ground

Blurred Lines

I always think the past is the past.   Well, it’s not.  It never really is gone.  I always knew that things from your past may come back, but one thing is repeated making an appearance in my life.  In some ways, I love it and wouldn’t change it.  In others, I hate it and swear each time it’ll be different than the last, but it never is.  For now, I’m done fighting it and will instead be enjoying my wild, free times.

BLURRED LINES

No time has passed
Yet it’s been months now
How can it be though?
It all feels like yesterday

You sitting next to me in the car
Flashing a white toothed grin at me
Pushing me as we walk down the beach
Making me laugh with my head thrown back

People don’t understand this
How can we be friends after our past?
I always say it’s behind us
But it’s not really, it never is

Blurred lines is what we know
Your lips grazing mine
My hands running through your hair
 This is what we do best

Someday, these times will be behind us
Strict black and white lines
But for now, there are none
And we act upon lack of them quite well

Sail

Looks like it’s about that time in my life again where suddenly the guy I’m seeing ditches me without warning.  It’s never a breakup, it’s never a malicious thing, but it always takes me by surprise, and quite frankly, it hurts a lot more than I would think it would.  I knew this would come when we both left for school, but that’s far in the distance still, and it’s sad when someone this close leaves you suddenly.

SAIL

Clouds slowly gather overhead
I hadn’t noticed until now
The summer breeze kicking up

You unfurl the sails, which in turn catch the wind
The knots tying you are next
Swiftly uncoiled and thrown on board

The lazy waves carry you out
I believe I hear thunder off in the distance
And that’s when I realize it 

You’re getting smaller, a speck on the horizon
While I’m here on shore
Right where you left me 

Judging Mistakes

I originally wrote this in my car and it came out really great and I was super excited with it.  However, I was driving and couldn’t write it down, so I forgot the original one, so I rewrote it and got this.  I have seriously struggled over posting this or not (just like with anything I write).  It’s not the fear of the people I write about finding out who I am/ I’m writing about them, but rather the audience reading it and whether I am being judged or not.  This is a SUPER judgement topic I am discussing, which means I am very nervous right now, even though you all have been really receptive to my writing thus far.  So here goes nothing, I guess…

No disrespect you tell me
Yet your words say other wise
You say my mistake was cowardly
I agree as well

But I don’t need people telling me these things
You don’t have to live with my choice
I wish I could go back and fix it
Only I can’t

A mistake is a mistake
There’s no arguing that
No need to judge me though
There’s no point in it

Painful Distance

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my poems, but what else can you write about when it’s one of the biggest forces in your life?  Some days, it genuinely hurts how far away people are, and other days I almost forget about it because I have forced myself to focus on other things.  But it’s always there.

You’re so far away
Sometimes it hurts to think about
At least a plane ride separates us
Meaning I rarely see you

All I have are memories right now
Or typed words on a screen
I just want to see your face up close
Wake up next to you each morning

Uncertainty

Do you know that feeling when you’re unsure of what is coming next when you’re with someone?  You’re unsure whether or not you insulted them, whether or not they’ll laugh at your text messages, or whether or not they even like you?  Or, in some ways, the worst of all- will he kiss you?  If so, then read on since that’s exactly what I’m writing about, and I’ll let you make your own conclusions as to my subject matter.

It’s the anticipation
The unknown
Each time I see you

The adventure seeking
Or staying in
Questions raised in my head

Constant conversation
Never ending streams of it
Prick my eyes with your voice

When you leave
Walk away from me
I wonder why not today

He’s Not You

This poem is about a week old now, which means it has become slightly outdated.  However, the facts behind it really haven’t changed, nor has my position changed all that much.  I figured since it was my most recent writing, I would share it since it’s been a while since I have written/ posted anything here.

He sees me each day, I text him at night
He calls me love, I call him babe
I can’t help being reminded of you

His blue eyes are more teal, not as crystalline
His hair more blonde, shorter cut
He stands taller than me, encircling my body when he hugs me
I compare the two of you without meaning to

Your eyes are the ones I want, your hands holding me
Your laughter fresh in my ears
You’re the one I want above everyone else
I’m trying to fill the void of you for now…

Sleepless Nights

Oh boy, do I love sleepless nights.  The hours ticking by, waiting for you to fall asleep as you wonder why you can’t.  And then, suddenly it clicks.  Since coming home, I only sleep well after a long, exhausting day at work, which is about half the time.  Otherwise, I am up, missing the boy I left behind 2,000 miles away.  The good thing about sleepless nights?  Knowing I will usually find inspiration to write about

My head on your chest
Listening to your heart beat
The rise and fall of your chest
Your arm wrapping around me
Lightly sitting on my waist
The weight of your chin resting on my head

The smell of you, crisp and clean
Mixed with the smell of alcohol and outside
Your calloused  fingertips grazing my skin
Lulling me to asleep
Blue eyes half closed
Still tapping to the music’s beat

Two more months before this is reality
Two more months until I’m with you